Paleo pumpkin spice latte

If I ever manage to take a decent photo of a coffee drink, I fear the surprise might kill me.

By now you've all read this, which is horrifying and by all accounts absolutely true. Since then, all sorts of recipes for homemade pumpkin spice lattes have popped up on the interwebs. Does the world really need another one? Of course it does, silly.

I've been making my own damn pumpkin spice lattes for about a year now, and this is how I do it. My version is paleo, but I offer some additions/substitutions at the end that might not be. You do what you like, man. It's YOUR freaking latte!

Paleo Pumpkin Spice Latte

(Makes one 12-oz. drink, more or less.)

1-2 Tbs. pumpkin puree
1 tsp. pure maple syrup
1/2 tsp. pure vanilla extract
1/2 tsp. pumpkin pie spice
2 oz. brewed espresso
2 oz. canned full-fat coconut milk
6 oz. almond milk

Dump everything into a blender, blend, heat, enjoy!

Notes:

• For the pumpkin puree, you can use homemade or canned pumpkin. I use the organic canned stuff from Costco.
• Adjust the sweetener to your taste. I'm not a big fan of sweet. You can substitute one large pitted, chopped date for the maple syrup. Or try honey or liquid stevia. To me, maple + pumpkin is a no-brainer, but my husband is allergic to pure maple syrup, go figure.
• In lieu of espresso, just use strong brewed coffee or -- and this is a fantastic variation that I guarantee is delicious because I make mine this way about half the time -- strong brewed chai tea. I use rooibos for its naturally caffeine-free properties but you could use whatever.
• I hope it goes without saying that you can use whatever milk you like in this thing. I use homemade almond milk, which is my go-to milk substitute since I can't tolerate dairy, and add the canned coconut milk for extra body and creaminess.
• Possible additions: grass-fed gelatin or collagen hydrolysate (I always put about a tablespoon of this in mine), whey/protein powder, a tablespoon of grass-fed butter or coconut/MCT oil, a tablespoon of nut butter (pecan would be fantastic), a dollop of dulce de leche or cajeta (adjust/eliminate the sweetener accordingly), whipped dairy or coconut cream to float on top.
• If you're too busy to mess with all this in the morning, and who isn't, it'll keep for a day or two in the fridge. So you can make up a double batch when you have the time, then just heat and go in the morning!

Winter mint mocha

It's been cold, cold, cold here in central Texas, you guys. Legitimately cold! Not just Southerner-Who-Doesn't-Know-What-Winter-Is-Like cold! Below freezing = legitimately cold, yes? Yeah. I'm originally from the midwest. Lake-effect snow, y'all. I know what winter is like.

And it's cold. Just so you know.

I've been starting pretty much every morning with a creamy, delicious mint mocha full of lots of healthy, warming fats to get me through the cold and dark. I am so in love with this drink that I'm inspired to share the recipe. Because originally this was supposed to be a recipe blog, haha. Whoops.

First you have to make the mocha-mint concentrate. Relax, it's super easy and it'll keep in your fridge for a couple of weeks, probably. Mine never lasts that long. I should look into doubling the recipe, maybe.

This recipe is loosely based on Danielle Walker's recipe for French Vanilla Coffee Creamer in her FABULOUS Against All Grain cookbook. Which you should buy immediately if you haven't already. This has become the cookbook for which I reach most often when I'm looking not only for dinner inspiration but for paleo basics like almond milk and mayonnaise. Every single thing I've made from her cookbook has been fantastic and easy and even my non-paleo family has loved it. So yeah. Buy that! You will not regret it.

Mocha-Mint Concentrate

3/4 cup almond milk
3/4 cup full-fat coconut milk
2 Tbs. raw, local honey
1/4 cup raw cacao powder
1 tsp. organic peppermint flavoring

Combine all ingredients except mint flavoring in a saucepan and whisk over low heat just until honey has melted and cacao powder is incorporated. Remove from heat and whisk in mint flavoring. Let cool, then decant into a bottle or jar and store in the refrigerator. It will tend to separate so shake well before each use.

* A note about ingredients -- this is how I make mine. If your honey isn't raw/local or you'd rather use maple syrup, no problem. Likewise if you just have plain old cocoa powder instead of raw cacao, that's totally cool. You don't have to keep the heat quite so low while whisking if you're not using raw ingredients so feel free to bump it up to medium to speed things along.

Winter Mint Mocha

12 oz. brewed coffee
1 Tbs. mocha-mint concentrate
1 Tbs. coconut oil or MCT oil
1 Tbs. grassfed butter or ghee

Combine all ingredients in a blender and whiz until combined (cover the blender lid with a cloth if the coffee is very hot, to avoid burns), then pour into a large mug and enjoy! This will be super creamy and it makes its own foam. And not for nothing but one big mug of this keeps me full until lunchtime, plus it really does help me deal with the cold. Must be all that yummy fat!

* A note about ingredients -- this is a loose variation on Dave Asprey's legendary Bulletproof Coffee. Like Dave says, if you're not already getting a lot of healthy fat in your diet, you will want to start with smaller amounts -- say 1 tsp. each of butter and coconut oil per cup -- and work your way up, otherwise it can cause stomach upset.

Primal (and low-FODMAP) on a budget: Hash

Oh, you guys.

Back in March I had this infection, see. I will spare you the details but it wasn't anything too bad; however, I am allergic to all the stuff that doctors usually prescribe for this particular thing so I ended up on Cipro. I was scared half to death because heavy-duty antibiotics usually do a real number on my guts, but I am here to tell you, my guts have never been happier than during the 10 days I was taking that stuff. I've always had digestive issues, let's call them, and this stuff FIXED THEM. Just like that. Until I finished my prescription.

At first I was thinking, okay, well, it was the drugs. The drugs fixed me and now I'm broken again because I'm not taking them anymore. Then I was thinking, okay, well, I was not eating any dairy whatsoever while I was taking those drugs because you aren't supposed to, and I know I have trouble with dairy already, so I'll go off the dairy again! And IT FIXED ME. For a couple of weeks. And then I was broken again. I started taking probiotics and drinking kombucha and eating raw fermented sauerkraut and if anything the problem got WORSE. Um, what?!

This led to me frantically Googling things like "PALEO DID NOT FIX MY GUTS OMG WTF WHY IS THIS HAPPENING" which led me to FODMAPs and holy cow, about 80% of my diet at the time was made up of vast quantities of things on the Do Not Eat list (fructans and polyols especially). So yeah. Maybe there is something to this FODMAP thing? I dunno, but I am going to try cutting WAY back on those foods for a bit and see how I do.

And that is my roundabout way of tell you that hash is good, hash is cheap, hash is super customizable to whatever foods you happen to be eating and/or tolerating at any given moment. Hash is really just bits of stuff all cooked together, I mean really, it could not be easier to make.

For the version in that photo up there I just chopped up a couple of slices of bacon and cooked them in a skillet until crispy, then added cubed red-skinned potatoes (if you don't eat potatoes, just leave them out -- my reasoning is that they're a whole food and therefore not verboten in my version of primal/paleo but my blood sugar is fine and I'm not trying to lose weight so you do whatever), cubed zucchini and diced red bell peppers. Then I tossed in some shredded, cooked chicken and a handful of chopped fresh herbs, stuck a lid on the pan, turned the heat down to medium and let it cook, stirring frequently, until the veggies were tender. Season with salt and pepper and Bob's your uncle.

This makes a very filling, satisfying dish. You can throw in whatever meat and veggies you like (I would LOVE to have added onion but it's a FODMAP no-no) and you can get by with small quantities of more expensive ingredients (like decent quality meat) while bulking it out with cheap stuff (like in-season veggies). And you can make a crapload of it and eat it all week for lunch! Yeah!

So yeah. Hash is good. FODMAPs are delicious bad. Apparently. I'll let you know what happens.

Grain-free granola

I am pretty firmly on record as being a fan of homemade granola. It's super easy to make, it smells amazing while cooking, it's an awesome quick snack and can top everything from yogurt to salads. And it's a great way to get a little extra protein and healthy fat into your diet.

I was thrilled to discover that primal granola is just as easy to make as the oat-based stuff. It's so easy, in fact, that I don't really have a recipe for it. (I really should start measuring ingredients if I'm going to blog about food, shouldn't I? Yeah. I'll get right on that.)

Anyway, here's what I did:

First I put some melted coconut oil and some pure maple syrup into a giant bowl. If I had to guess, I'd say it was maybe 1/4 cup of each, but keep in mind that I do NOT like my granola to be overly sweet. You'll want to adjust accordingly if you have a sweet tooth. I added a bit of vanilla extract and a generous pinch of salt and whisked it all together.

Then I dumped in the following raw nuts and seeds. This combo is just what I happen to like and what I had on hand; you could certainly change this up quite a bit: chopped walnuts and pecans, sliced almonds, pepitas (shelled pumpkin seeds) and sesame seeds. I also added a handful of unsweetened coconut chips -- you know, the big, shaved flakes that you put in trail mix. I'd say the nuts/seeds/coconut measured around 4 or 5 cups total. (I opted not to add any dried fruit, preferring to add that to each serving separately, but you definitely could throw some into the mix at this point.)

Finally I beat an egg white until frothy and added that as well. Mix it all together, spread it out on a foil or parchment-lined baking sheet, and bake at 300 degrees until toasted but not too brown, stirring every 15 minutes or so. Mine took about 40 minutes but you do want to keep an eye on it. Let cool completely and store in an airtight jar.

If you want to keep this both primal AND vegan, just leave out the egg white. The granola won't form clusters that way but, you know, that's really just a matter of aesthetics. Either way, you'll never miss the oats.

Primal on a budget: week-long chickenpalooza

Homemade (easy!) chicken stock. Liquid gold, baby.

Here's what you do, right?

You buy a chicken. A whole chicken. Preferably a pastured, organic, humanely-raised whole chicken. You season it liberally with salt and pepper, maybe a little dried thyme or something, and you stick it in the slow cooker (along with the neck and whatever nasty bits were stuffed in the cavity)(don't bother adding any liquid) on Low before you go to bed for the night.

You wake up in the morning to the smell of roast chicken, which reminds you that you need to head to the kitchen first thing and take that sucker out of the slow cooker. While the coffee brews you shred every last bit of meat off of that thing, put a little in the fridge for later, and put the rest in the freezer for way later. You dump the bones and gristly bits back in the slow cooker, pour another cup of coffee, roughly chop an onion and a couple of stalks of celery and a few carrots into quarters. Don't bother to peel anything, just dump it all in the slow cooker with the bones. Maybe you crush a clove of garlic or two and toss that in as well. Along with a handful of fresh parsley. And some whole peppercorns. And maybe a bay leaf, if you've got one. If you want to leach as many minerals as possible out of those bones, you add a tablespoon or so of vinegar. Then you add a couple of quarts of water, put the lid back on, set the cooker to Low, and go about your day.

At least six hours later (longer is better) you put a cheesecloth-lined wire mesh strainer over a big bowl and dump in the contents of the slow cooker. You're left with the richest, most amazing chicken stock ever, which you ladle into containers for the fridge and freezer. And now you can pretty much eat for a week, for maybe 20 minutes worth of actual effort and the cost of one measly chicken.

***

When I tell people I eat primally, the first thing they ask is how my cholesterol numbers are (I actually haven't had them checked for about a year, but I promise to get back to you). The second thing they ask is, "Isn't it expensive? And time-consuming?"

It can be, but it doesn't HAVE to be. I mean sure, if I was eating grass-fed ribeyes three times a day and making complicated vegetable preparations to go with each one, I'd be out of time/patience AND money pretty quickly. But I'm telling you, buy ONE really good chicken per week, and do that up there, and you've got at least one meal per day for one person for an entire week sorted.

Use the broth as a base for all sorts of soups (primal ramen, maybe?) and sauces, drink a hot mug of it for breakfast, stir in a little sriracha if you've got a cold.

Put the shredded chicken in soups, lettuce wraps/tacos, salads, omelettes, or just snack on it right from the fridge when you need a quick hit of protein.

You can be lazy and cheap frugal and still be primal, y'all. I'm living proof!